I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize