Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
