Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
