Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
