I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
