Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
