This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
