I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
