I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
