I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
