hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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