Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
