I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
