People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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