I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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