for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
