can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
