I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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