I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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