She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
