Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
