I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
