I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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