I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize