How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
