I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
