It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't turn off my feet"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
