"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
