yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
