I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
