what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
