I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
