i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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