no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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