I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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