I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
