Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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