wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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