fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
