between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
