Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
