So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize