he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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