EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
