I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
