I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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