oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
