1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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