I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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