Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize