Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
