you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This is classic penis vs brain.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize