i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
