I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
