He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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