I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
