I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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