plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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