Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
