Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Blood and glitter go together right?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Drunk is a universal language darling
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
