Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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