If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
