I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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