I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
