Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
