I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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