What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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