My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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