I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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