I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
