Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Im part way to drunk.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
