How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
