And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
