that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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