not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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