you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
