my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
