we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
try to milk me bitch
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