Kareoke will never be a sober sport
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize