yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
