I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
