the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
