I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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