just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize