i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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