So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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