just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize