If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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