Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize