So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
