who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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