i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize