Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's rum buckets o'clock
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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