I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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