i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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