I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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