i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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